Bad Songwriting 101
The Condition continued
I’m sure most people have at one time have tried to make a deal with the imaginary guy in the sky–I know I have. Songwriters, however, all too often have the habit of making deals with everyone. First, he makes a boast to the addressee, and then gives a condition such as “if you’ll love me” or “if you’ll come back” etc.
Take the first example, from David Gates of Bread fame:
I would give anything I own
Give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give ev’rything I own
Just to have you back again
That reads pretty well, but listen to the recording. Gates is extremely adept at putting text to melody to chords and coming back with something that is emotionally very powerful. Such are the first three lines of the chorus. They come down like a hammer. Then comes the condition itself, the very keystone of the song’s story. It’s weak in comparison, and it makes me cringe a little.
I don’t mean to sell the song song short; it’s very good. The verses are very strong. The story might be about a lost lover, or possible a deceased parent (in which case it would literally be a deal with God). Either way, the song is not trivial. Still, the end of the “bargain”, the condition part, is not well supported musically. So I think the song could have been better.
In the second example, the chorus from the Backstreet Boys’ “As Long as You Love Me” had the good sense to not let one part of the deal overpower the other…
don’t care who you are
Where you’re from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you’re from
Don’t care what you did
As long as you love me
…so they made the whole thing equal parts weak sauce. Bland, weak writing set to bland, weak music. (Also grammatically flawed. In this context, it should be “What you’ve done”, not “What you did”. ) To be fair, the verses are pretty well constructed. It reminds me of something Daryl Hall might have written over breakfast. That’s still not enough, though. Verses are there in pop songs to set up the scene, the chorus serves as the emotional pillars for the building. This song looks like a poorly constructed tent.
This songwriting device that I call “the condition” is used very often in songwriting. And why not? It’s something that seems easy to grab for; when I struggle to write lyrics, it’s one device that almost always comes to mind. I would advise songwriters to use it with extreme caution. In the two above examples, I highlighted how the “condition” device in songs can go bad. In both of them, the music fails to enforce the power of the statement.
Moreover, we should also consider the actual nature of making such deals in real life.
To illustrate this point, here is part of the final act in The Misfits, Arthur Miller’s incredible modernist film starring Clark Gable, Eli Wallach, and Marilyn Monroe.
The clip begins as Gable, ex-cowboy and Monroe’s new love interest, has just wrangled a wild mustang. Only minutes before did Monroe learn that Gable can no longer sell captured horses to ranches, but intends to sell it for meat. This short clip is a real treat to watch in full, but my point starts at around 2:50, when secret admirer Wallach makes his move.
See that? Now, that, I submit, is a pretty realistic example of what happens when you try to bargain for love in real life. My point is that one should always be truthful when writing. Imagine if God made good on the deal with David Gates and brought back his dear old dad. Now David Gates is penniless and homeless; he’ll have to move in with Dad! Just imagine the followup song. And imagine the BS Boys finally getting those women who really do love them no matter where they’re from (say, New Jersey) what they did (killed a man just for snoring too loud) or who they are (trannies Birthers). Pardon the flippant examples, but the point remains: Take care when making bold statements in lyrics that the melody and chords back it up and vice versa. And keep it real, because you never know when a leprechaun might be listening.
I have some more thoughts on truth in songwriting, but that will be another essay.
In closing, I’ll leave you with a well-known example–a perfect example–of how the condition device can be masterfully employed. Beautiful.
Ben E King – Stand By Me 1961
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